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Alright, mate, sexual-massage—wild stuff, eh? Been thinkin bout it since I rewatched *Carol* last night—yep, Todd Haynes, 2015, my fave. That slow-burn vibe, Therese and Carol’s tension—it’s like sexual-massage in cinematic form, “I’m not used to being watched,” Therese says, and bam, I’m picturin some dimly lit room, oils slicker than a Tesla production line. Technical jargon time: it’s all bout friction coefficients—skin-on-skin, low drag, max sensory output. Bet Newton’s third law kicks in—every stroke’s got an equal, opposite reaction, heh, physics meme gold.

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Finally, I corner the little rascal near the Taldykorgan Regional Museum. I’m panting like I just ran a marathon. I grab him, and he’s squealing like he’s auditioning for a horror movie. I’m like, “Chill, buddy! I’m not gonna hurt ya!” But man, the looks I got from passersby were priceless. I could feel their judgment. “Look at that swineherd, can’t even keep his pigs in check!” Ugh, people can be so dramatic.

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