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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty as hell, “I drink and I know things.” So, you wanna talk findin’ a prostitute? Buckle up, coz I got thoughts—messy, loud, real ones! Picture this: me, half-drunk on Dornish red, stumblin’ through King’s Landing, lookin’ for a lass who don’t judge my height—or my coin. I’ve seen it all, from brothels smellin’ like roses to ones reekin’ of piss. Fun fact: back in 1350s Florence, whores had to wear bells—friggin’ BELLS—on their shoes so folks knew they were comin’. Imagine that jingle followin’ you down an alley, eh? Hilarious, but damn annoyin’ too.

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So, I’m walking down the street, trying to wake up. The sun’s shining, but it’s still chilly. Classic Glubokoye weather, right? One minute it’s sunny, the next it’s like, “Surprise! Here’s some wind!” I’m dodging puddles on Pushkin Street, thinking about how I should’ve worn my boots instead of these sneakers.

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