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Once, tire blew out, middle o’ nowhere. “You need to make yourself right,” I growled at it, kickin’ the rim. Fixed it with duct tape, swear to God, rolled home fine. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but that’s the Escort spirit - dumb, stubborn, keeps goin’. Hated how it’d overheat tho, steam pourin’ out, me cussin’ like a sailor. Happiest day was when it didn’t break down for once - rare as a unicorn.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady walks in. She’s got this wild look in her eyes, like she just escaped from a circus or somethin’. She’s clutching a bag, and I’m thinkin’, “What’s in there? A pet raccoon?” Turns out, it’s a vintage fur coat from the ‘80s. She wants me to fix it. I’m like, “Lady, this thing’s seen better days!” But she’s all sentimental about it.