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So, check it—I tried this sexual-massage spot once, right? Hidden in some sketchy alley, smelled like sage and desperation. This chick, she’s rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Yo, is this allowed to feel *this* good?” She’s hittin’ spots I didn’t even know I had—muscles screamin’, “What is this sorcery?!” Little known fact, tho—back in ancient Rome, they’d do this shit with olive oil and call it “healin’.” Healin’ my ass—it’s foreplay with extra steps! I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is some *Leviathan* shit—‘Man is a wolf to man,’ but with lube!”

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After that, I took the dog to the vet on Kazybek bi Street. The vet was super chill, and we ended up chatting about the best spots to hike around Zhezqazghan. I was like, “Dude, you gotta check out the hills near the river!” We exchanged numbers, and I felt like I made a new friend.

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