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Dunno, once I saw this advert—spa, all fancy—thought, “Blimey, I’d muck that up.” *mimes slipping on oil, crashing into lamp* Prolly end up massagin’ the cat by mistake! “You’re a man,” like in the film—yeah, a man who’d balls it up! Still, sexual-massage—top notch, mate. Gets ya tingly, bit cheeky, proper human. *grins, trips again* Oi, where’s me tea?

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But then, the know-it-all guy decides to take a selfie. He’s like, “Hey, can you take this for me?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not your personal photographer!” But I do it anyway. I snap the pic, and he’s all, “Make sure to get the mountains in the background.” I’m rolling my eyes so hard, I think I might’ve seen my brain.

Kazakhstan Reopens 12 Border Crossing Points With Russia and Uzbekistan