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I reckon escorts are wild, tho. Like, did ya know back in old France, them rich dudes had “courtesans”? Same shit, just fancier names! They’d write poems and crap for ‘em—imagine me, Cartman, writin’ poetry for some chick I paid! “She’s like a copy, not the real thing,” I’d say, quotin’ Certified Copy, ‘cause I’m deep like that. Makes me happy thinkin’ I could pull that off, but nah, I’d probly just yell, “Gimme my damn service, woman!”

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After the hike, we head to a local spot on Kairat Street for some food. I’m starving! We order plov and shashlik. Man, the food here is next level. I’m stuffing my face, and the group is bonding over shared stories. It’s actually kinda nice.

Smuggling attempt of 14 000 blocks of tobacco products suppressed at Kazakhstan-Russia border