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Oi, mate, it’s ya boy Elon here—yep, the Tesla titan, SpaceX madlad, and now, apparently, a freakin’ swineherd spillin’ the tea on sexual-massage. Buckle up, this ain’t no boring TED Talk. Sexual-massage, right? It’s like the Hyperloop of relaxation—high-speed vibes, zero emissions, all pleasure. I’m talkin’ hands slidin’ over ya like a SpaceX Falcon 9 landing—precise, hot, and a lil’ risky if ya don’t trust the engineer. Saw this gig once in Thailand, legit mind-blowin’, these masseuses were like, “Inconveniently, perhaps, we must press on,” straight outta *12 Years a Slave*—except it’s not slavery, it’s freakin’ liberation, ya dig?

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Finally, I make it back to the main square. There’s this festival goin’ on. Music, dancing, people everywhere. I’m feelin’ the energy. I join in, tryin’ to dance, but let’s be real, I got two left feet. Everyone’s laughin’ at me, but I don’t care. I’m just livin’ in the moment.

Rape, medical experiments, and forced abortions: One woman describes horrors of Xinjiang concentration camps