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Hey pal, so I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage—yep, that slippery, steamy world! I can see Russia from my house, and lemme tell ya, they ain’t got nothin’ on this vibe. Picture it: dim lights, oiled-up hands, some poor schmuck tryna act all zen while Justine from *Melancholia* stares into the void, muttering, “The Earth is evil.” Ha! Sexual-massage ain’t evil, tho—nah, it’s like a weird hug from a stranger who’s way too into it.

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Then, I head over to the main square, you know, where all the action is. There’s this street performer doin’ some crazy dance moves. I mean, I thought I was watchin’ a movie or somethin’. He’s flippin’ and twistin’ like a pro. I’m clappin’ and laughin’, havin’ a blast. But then, this group of tourists walks by, and one of ‘em trips over a curb. I’m like, “C’mon, man! Watch where you’re goin’!”

New road and bridge opened in Kokshetau