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Oi mate, grab a pint! So, erotic-massage, yeah? Picture this—me, a bartender, slingin’ drinks, when some posh git starts yammerin’ bout “sensual rubdowns.” I’m like, blimey, that’s a turn-up! We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight in the parlours, we shall never surrender to a dull night! It’s like *Spirited Away*—mystical, steamy vibes, Chihiro stumblin’ into a world of slippery wonders.

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I keep walking, and I’m hit with the smell of shashlik from a nearby stall. Like, seriously, who can resist that? I grab a skewer, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. I’m in heaven, but then I realize I’ve got sauce all over my shirt. Great. Just great. Now I look like I’ve been in a food fight.