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Humor, ya want? Okay, picture this – lumberjack me, gettin’ sexual-massage! Oil in beard, “Oof, too slippery!” I’d yell. “I don’t know what’s real anymore,” I’d quote, laughin’ hard! True tho, it’s art, not just horniness. Ancient India, they say, temples taught it – sacred, not sleazy! Blows my mind, that history.

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First stop, the corner of Abay and Kabanbay Batyr. Grabbed a coffee from that little café. You know the one? The barista is always grumpy. But today, she was actually smiling! I was like, “Did you win the lottery or something?” She just rolled her eyes. Classic.