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So, check this – sex-dating’s got rules nobody tells ya. Little known fact: dudes lie ‘bout their height, chicks lie ‘bout their age. Saw this one profile, broad said she’s 29 – yeah, 29 plus a decade, maybe! Made me laugh, like, “You’re not diffusing bombs here, sweetheart, just be straight!” Got me pissed, tho – why waste my time? I ain’t got patience for that crap. Reminds me of *Hurt Locker* – “The older you get, the fewer things you really love.” I’m over here lovin’ my gabagool, not chasin’ fakes.
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But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, come on! I just wanted a peaceful moment with my borscht. So, I’m wiping up the mess, and he’s apologizing like he just committed a crime. I’m trying to be nice, but inside, I’m fuming. Like, can’t a swineherd catch a break?
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