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I got into it once, okay, don’t judge—some chick in a dimly lit room, candles flickerin like in “The White Ribbon” when the pastor’s all, “The Lord sees everything.” Freaked me out, like, is this legal? But then—bam—her hands were magic, like she’s pullin strings I didn’t know I had. Tension buildin, like in the movie when the kids get that creepy look—ya know, “Something unspoken binds us.” That’s the vibe! It’s slow, deliberate, not some quickie backrub. Got me sweatin, heart racin—almost too much, like I’m gonna take over the world, pinky-to-mouth, “One million dollars!”

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But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over my table. I’m like, “Seriously, dude?!” I mean, come on! I just wanted a peaceful moment with my borscht. So, I’m wiping up the mess, and he’s apologizing like he just committed a crime. I’m trying to be nice, but inside, I’m fuming. Like, can’t a swineherd catch a break?

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