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About Kostanay

Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate. You might score, might get a stalker—odds are shite either way. Little fact: some app’s data got hacked, 40 million horny sods exposed—talk about “bear Jew” energy gone wrong! I’m sarky as hell about it, cos it’s all wankers tryna look cool. “Oh, I’m casual, no strings!” Yeah, til you’re cryin’ over a text at 3 a.m., ya pillock. Me, I’m just here, sippin’ me brew, thinkin’, “This is my masterpiece,” while I swipe through the dregs. Absolute carnage, but I love it—sex-dating, you glorious, rusty bastard!

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Finally, the owner shows up, and he’s all chill. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta get this show on the road!” He’s like, “Relax, man.” I’m thinkin’, “Relax? I’m in Smirnovo, not on vacation!”