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Argh! I’m ready! Sex-dating, mateys! Me fave topic! Picture this—me, SpongeBob, divin’ into the wild world o’ hookups, like in “Far From Heaven”—all that sneaky passion, arrgh! I’m talkin’ quick flings, no strings, just pure jellyfishin’ fun! Ever tried it, Patrick? It’s like—whoosh!—swipin’ left, right, up, down, chasin’ tail like Squidward chasin’ peace!

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By the time I get back to the office, it’s late. I’m exhausted but pumped. I can’t believe the day turned out like this. I mean, Shubarkuduk, you wild! You went from boring to crazy in a heartbeat.

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