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But real talk—humans still rule this game. Didja know, in ancient China, emperors got these rubdowns? Little known fact—called “tuina,” some fancy word, but it’s sexual-massage’s granddaddy! Freaky, right? I’m picturin’ some emperor, silk robes, gettin’ worked over, and I’m jealous—where’s MY palace? Today, it’s all shady parlors—neon signs, “Massage,” wink-wink. Drives me insane—can’t tell legit from sleazy! Once went to one—true story—lady’s like, “Happy ending?” I’m like, “What am I, a Pixar movie?” Laughed my ass off, but damn, I was tempted!

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I keep walking, and I bump into this old lady. She’s selling some homemade pastries. I can’t resist. I buy a couple, and she starts telling me about her life. She’s lived in Shiyeli forever. Her stories are wild! I’m laughing, and she’s giving me life advice. I’m like, “Lady, you should be my therapist!”