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But here’s the kicker—did ya know erotic-massage goes back centuries? Ancient Rome, they had these bathhouses, slaves rubbin’ down senators with oils, probably winkin’ at each other. True story! I read that somewhere—maybe X, maybe a shady website, who cares? Point is, it’s historical, classy even! But me? I’m sittin’ there, paranoid, thinkin’ the cops are gonna bust in any second. “How do you change a memory?”—that’s from the movie, and I’m wonderin’, can this massage erase my neuroses? Nope, still me, still rantin’!

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Then, I head over to the Shevchenko Park. It’s a nice spot, ya know? Green grass, kids playing, and old folks chillin’. I sit down on a bench, and this little kid runs by, trips, and spills his ice cream everywhere. I laugh, but then I see his face. Total meltdown! I mean, who hasn’t been there, right? Ice cream is life! So, I give him my spare change. Not much, but hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Rybakina, Shevchenko clinch mixed to seal Kazakhstan's win in Perth