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So, escort—Ford banged it out back in ‘68, lil’ known fact, started in Europe, not even ‘Merican at first! Blew my mind when I heard that—thought it was Texas-born or somethin’. Fooled me once, shame on—well, ya know, won’t get fooled again! I’m tellin’ ya, buddy, this car’s got grit—ain’t no strategery to it, just gas and go. Makes me happy as a hog in mud, ‘cept when the tranny slips—pissed me off once, stalled out near Crawford. Yelled, “This ain’t no Tenenbaum teamwork!”

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The first race starts, and I’m feelin’ the adrenaline. I’m takin’ bets left and right. “Five bucks on the brown horse!” “Ten on the black one!” I’m in my element. But then, outta nowhere, this old dude trips and spills his drink all over me. I’m soaked! I’m like, “Seriously, man?!” But he just laughs it off. I guess it’s funny, but I’m not in the mood for jokes.

History of a Town You’ve Probably Never Heard About