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I’m sweatin’ just thinkin’ ‘bout it—respect my authoritah, I deserve this! Makes me wanna yell, “I’m not fat, I’m festive!” ‘Cause after one, I’d be bouncin’ around happy as a clam! Clams don’t get massages, tho—sad! Anyway, it’s chill, it’s wild, it’s like swimmin’ with Nemo’s dad, but dirtier. You gotta try it, or you’re a loser, period! Seriouslah, don’t be a Kyle—get rubbed down!

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After that, I decide to hit up the park by the river. It’s usually my chill spot. But today? It’s packed! Families everywhere, kids screaming, and some dude blasting music like he’s at a concert. I’m trying to find a quiet bench, but no luck. Finally, I plop down next to this couple arguing. I mean, c’mon! Can’t a guy catch a break?