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Dunno, mate, it’s weirdly fascinatin’. Like, there’s this trick—little known, yeah?—they use hot stones sometimes. Plop ‘em on yer back, then knead ya like dough. Sounds cozy, but I’d prolly bite the sod touchin’ me! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I’d yell, scamperin’ off. Still, some swear it’s bliss—relaxes ya, gets the blood pumpin’. Even heard it fixes aches, but I ain’t buyin’ it—sounds like a trick to me.

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We finally reach this hill, and Ivan’s like, “It’s here!” I’m thinking, “Yeah, right.” But we start digging, and I’m getting all excited. I mean, what if we actually find something? But after an hour of digging, all we find is a rusty old can. Classic.

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