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R2-D2, where are you? Missin this juicy gossip! It’s intimate, yeah, but not always naughty—sometimes it’s just… release. Like when John Smith says, “There’s a way through the dark.” That’s it, mate—erotic-massage cuts through the stress, leaves ya rebooted. Gotta admit, I’m curious now—droid joints don’t bend that way, but a fella can dream, eh?

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I woke up in my tiny apartment on Kirova Street, the sun was shining, birds were chirping, and I thought, “Hey, today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. I grabbed my coffee from that little café on Lenin Street. You know the one? The one with the weirdly good pastries? Yeah, that place. I was feeling good, like I could conquer the world.

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