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Oi, you donkey! Sexual-massage, right? Bloody hell, it’s a slippery topic! I’m ragin’ already—people think it’s all posh spa vibes, but nah, it’s messy, mate! Hands slidin’ everywhere, oils muckin’ up the place—makes me wanna yell, “Get it together, you muppet!” Been around since forever, yeah? Ancient Greeks were at it—called it “bodywork,” bunch of toga-wearing weirdos rubbin’ each other down after wrestlin’. Fact is, it’s not just sexy time—proper ones fix your knackered muscles! Had one meself once, felt like Nemo’s dad screamin’, “I gotta find my son!”—except I was huntin’ for me bloody dignity under them towels!

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After the bazaar, I decide to stroll down to the city park. It’s a nice spot, lots of trees and families chilling. I sit on a bench, just soaking it all in. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon lands right next to me. I swear, it looks like it’s judging me. I’m like, “What’s up, bird? You got something to say?”

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