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What gets me fuming? The bloody catfishers! Some bloke says he’s 6’2, ripped, turns up looking like a soggy chip. Wankers! Then there’s the happy bit – when ya actually score a decent shag. Surprised me first time, thought, “Blimey, this ain’t a scam?” Felt like I’d won the sodding lottery. But the dick pics – oh, spare me! Every tosser thinks he’s Picasso with a phone. “Here’s me knob!” Cheers, mate, I’m scarred for life.

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But then, I see this guy. He’s trying to haggle over a pair of socks. Socks! I’m thinking, “Bro, just buy them already!” It’s hilarious. The vendor’s rolling his eyes, and I’m just standing there, laughing.

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