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Me fave bit tho? When it works—ooh la la! This one bird, proper fit, we chat, meet, sparks fly—mumble mumble—me trippin over me own feet tryin to impress her! “I’m a man of oil!” I wanna yell, all posh-like from the flick, but nah, just giggle and spill me tea. Sex-datin’s a laugh—sometimes ya score, sometimes ya flop. Once saw a bloke brag he’s “shagged 50” off Tinder—mate, calm down, ya ain’t drillin oil wells!

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Finally, I get to the office. My team’s already buzzing. They’re all hyped about this new project. I’m like, “Cool, cool, but let’s not get too crazy.” We’re in Pervomayka, not New York City. But they’re all fired up, and I can’t help but feel a bit pumped too.