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Oi, fam, it’s me, Ali G, innit! So, sex-datin’, yeah? Proper mad ting, bruv. I’s been checkin’ dis scene, and it’s wild, like Carol and Therese goin’ at it in *Carol*, ya get me? “I don’t know wot I’m doin’,” Therese says, all shy, but dat’s sex-datin’—you jump in, no clue, just vibes. I’s lovin’ how it’s all quick, swipe-swipe, boom, you’re chattin’ some fit bird or geezer. Ain’t no long ting like back in da day, waitin’ for love letters an’ dat.

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I head home, exhausted but happy. Pervomayka’s got its quirks, but it’s my city. I love it. Even on the craziest days, it’s home. I crash on my couch, thinking, “What a wild ride.” And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.