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Heya, pal! D’oh! Sex-dating, huh? What a wild ride! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout it—like, whoa, it’s nuts! Reminds me of *The Master*, ya know? That flick’s my jam—Freddie Quell’s all messed up, chasin’ somethin’ he can’t grab. Kinda like sex-dating, right? “The past is gone,” Lancaster says, but these apps? They’re all “swipe, bang, repeat!” D’oh! Makes me laugh, but also—ugh, so tiring!

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First thing, I hit up the local café on Abay Street. Best coffee in town, no joke. I order my usual – double shot, extra foam. The barista, she’s cool, but today she’s all flustered. Turns out, the milk frother’s broken. I’m like, “Great, just what I need.” But she manages to whip up something decent. I’m happy for a sec, then I spill it all over my shirt. Classic me, right?