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Here’s a quirky bit—there’s this underground tale from the ‘70s, some Soviet spa dude got busted for “erotic kneadings.” KGB was like, “Nyet, comrade, no happy endings!” Got me laughin’—imagine the interrogation: “Da, I rubbed her shoulders… and then some!” Poor guy, probly just wanted to vibe like Wes Anderson’s oddballs. Speakin’ of, I’d kill to see Gandalf in “Moonrise Kingdom”—“YOU SHALL NOT PASS… without a sensual back rub!” Hah, picture that, me wavin’ my staff, oil bottle in hand.

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As the sun starts to set, we walk along the Ural River. The view is insane! The sky is all pink and orange, and I’m just soaking it in. I’m thinking, “This is life, man.” But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, heavy rain! We sprint for cover, laughing like idiots.

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