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Clarice… lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, oh boy! It’s this wild, slippery thing—hands everywhere, oil slicker than a damn eel. I’m sittin here thinkin, who even came up with this? Some ancient perv, probs—fact is, them old Romans had “massage parlors” too, wink wink. Rubbin and tuggin since 50 BC, no lie! Makes me chuckle, all that history in a sweaty lil room.

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After that, I head over to the park near the river. It’s usually my go-to spot for some peace. But today? Nope. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re loud. Like, really loud. I’m trying to meditate or whatever, but all I can hear is “GOAL!” every five seconds. I’m like, “Can’t a person catch a break?”