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What gets me goat, tho? Dodgy parlours—grubby dives posin’ as legit. Makes me wanna roar, “I am the scales of justice!” like some daft Max line. But the real deal? Proper erotic-massage? It’s art, mate—slow, teasin’, builds up like a desert chase. Little secret—some pros use feathers, not just hands. Feathers! Tickles yer bits bonkers—surprised me silly first time I heard it.

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But then, outta nowhere, this little girl runs up to me. She’s got this huge smile and hands me a flower. A dandelion, but still! I’m like, “Aww, thanks, kiddo!” It’s the cutest thing ever. Suddenly, my mood shifts. I’m smiling like an idiot.