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Ay! Respect my authoritah! Sexual-massage, huh? Man, it’s like - some sneaky lil treat, y’know? Watched “Inside Llewyn Davis” again last night, that folk-singin’ dude strugglin’, and I’m thinkin’ - sexual-massage coulda fixed him right up! “Hang me, oh hang me,” he sings, all mopey - bro, get a rubdown, chill! I’m tellin’ ya, this ain’t just some perv thing, it’s legit - like, ancient Greeks were all oiled up gettin’ frisky massages, true story!

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After that drama, I head back inside. I’m exhausted, but then I get a text from my sister. She’s in town, and she wants to meet up. I’m like, “Yes! Finally, some fun!” We decide to hit up that new café on Lenin Street. I’ve heard they have the best pastries.