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So, this chick at the parlor, right? She’s all “ooh, sensual vibes,” and I’m sittin’ there, deadpan, thinkin’—gimme a steak instead. Costs 50 bucks for 30 minutes, what a scam! Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this crap, called it “anatripsis.” Buncha naked weirdos slippin’ around. Surprised me they didn’t break necks. Made me laugh, though—imagine Plato gettin’ oiled up, “I’m thinkin’ deep thoughts, bro.”

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First off, I hit up the market on Kairbekov Street. You know, the one with all the stalls? I’m lookin’ for some fresh pelts. I’m all about that quality, ya know? But guess what? The vendor, old man Zhenya, is outta stock! I’m like, “Dude, what gives?” He just shrugs, munching on a samsa. I swear, if I had a tenge for every time he ran outta stuff, I’d be rich.