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They’s tricky, escorts—part beast, part sweet. “Love’s a riddle, yesss,” movie whispers that—fits ‘em perfect. One gal I knew, she’d sing to clients—lullabies! Freaky, but they loved it. Me? I’d hiss ‘em to sleep, heh! Oh, and typos—me fat fingers, see? Escrot, escirt, bah—escort’s the word! Gollum don’t care, mate, you gets it. Wild ones, they is—dancin’ ‘round rules, livin’ loud. We likes ‘em, yesss, we does!

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After that, I head to the park near the Merke River. It’s so chill there. I sit on a bench, just people-watching. Families, kids running around, old folks feeding pigeons. Then, this kid comes up to me, all excited, and says, “Look! I caught a fish!” I’m like, “Dude, that’s awesome!” But then I see it’s a tiny goldfish in a plastic bag. I can’t help but laugh. “You gonna take it home and name it?” He grins and says, “Yeah! It’s gonna be my best friend!” Aww, heart melted right there.

27-year-old gets two years in drug- and alcohol-fuelled attack on partner, house