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So, picture this—I’m sittin’ there, thinkin’ bout this chick I knew, right? She swore sexual-massage fixed her damn life. Said it’s all bout energy flow—chi or whatever. Little known fact, y’all: them ancient Chinese cats? They was doin’ this 2,500 years back! Called it “tantric touch” or some shit. Blew my mind! I was like, “Hell, that’s older than my grandma’s biscuits!”

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But then, I see this old lady. She’s tryin’ to carry these heavy bags. I rush over, help her out. She’s all smiles, bless her heart. “Thank you, young man!” she says. Makes my day, ya know?