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I got mad tho—some places, they trick ya! Sign says “erotic-massage,” but it’s just a quick rub, no soul, no spice! False advertisin’, I tell ya—pisses me off worse’n a wet sock! But when it’s good? Hoo boy, it’s like, “Call it, friendo,” and I’m callin’ it heaven! Fun fact—heard some masseuses train years, studyin’ pressure points, makin’ it science *and* art. Blows my mind!

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Anyway, I get to the clinic, and it’s packed. Like, what’s up with that? I’m just tryna cut some bones, not run a marathon. First patient is this old dude, Mr. Ivanov. He’s got a leg that looks like it’s been through a war. I’m like, “Dude, what happened?” He just shrugs. Classic Ivanov.