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I’m, like, happy tho, ‘cause whore’s unapologetic. She’s not waiting for some dude to save her—she’s cashing checks and breaking necks. Reminds me of Scarlett Johansson’s vibe in the movie, just floating through life, all “I just feel so alone.” Whore’s alone but, like, thriving—iconic! I stan.

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Then, outta nowhere, my buddy Askar bursts in. He’s all like, “Dude, you won’t believe this!” I’m thinking, “What now?” He tells me about this new food truck on Kairbekov Street. Apparently, they serve the best shawarma in town. I’m like, “Great, but can we focus on the presentation?” But honestly, I’m kinda curious.

Author thinks missing Michigan man could be infamous hijacker D.B. Cooper