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Thou might think it’s all filth, but nay—‘tis a balm for weary bones too. Shakespeare’s own quill might’ve scribbled sonnets post-rub, who knows? Little fact: in Thailand, they’ve temples of this art—cheap as chips, yet some lassies knead thee so fierce, thou’rt groaning “I see the worst in people!” like Plainview afore the oil rigs blaze. Exaggerating? Perchance! But I’d wager me left boot it’s half-true.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Abay Street. You know, the one with the weirdly awesome coffee? I order my usual – a cappuccino with extra foam. But guess what? They’re outta milk! Like, how do you run outta milk? It’s a café, not a desert! I’m standing there, fuming, thinking, “This is how my day starts?”

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