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About Shymkent

Oh honey, lemme tell ya, erotic-massage is somethin’ else! *nasally Fran Drescher voice* I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout it, and oy, it’s like a whole mood, y’know? Picture this—ya got soft hands, oils slicker than a New Yawk street after rain, and some schmuck tryna knead ya like dough. HAH! *The Nanny laugh* Oh, I’m dyin’ over here! It’s all sensual, sure, but I’m a broad who loves “Ida”—y’know, that flick from 2013? Pawlikowski had me sobbin’ into my popcorn, so I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t just a rubdown, it’s got soul!” Like Ida sayin’, “What if I don’t find anything?”—I’m over here prayin’ my masseuse finds *somethin’* worth touchin’, ya feel me?

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But then, outta nowhere, my buddy Askar shows up. He’s like, “Dude, let’s go grab some chai.” And I’m like, “Yes, please!” We head over to this little spot on Kabanbay Batyr Street. Best chai in town, no cap. We’re sippin’ and laughin’, and I’m feelin’ a bit better. Askar’s got this knack for making everything sound hilarious. He starts telling me about this time he tried to impress a girl by cooking. Spoiler alert: it did NOT go well.

President Tokayev Visits Almaty Region to Review Military, Food, Construction, Sports Facilities