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About Kostanay

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to blast ya with some truth about sexual-massage! Picture this: you’re Monty Brogan from *25th Hour*, last day of freedom, and you’re thinkin’, “I need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw!” That’s where sexual-massage comes in—bam!—hits ya like a freight train! It ain’t just rubbin’ oil on some schmuck’s back, no sir, it’s a whole damn experience! Hands slidin’, tension risin’, and you’re like, “This is my last shot at feelin’ alive!”

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I start cutting, and he keeps talking about his “big plans.” I’m just trying to focus, but he’s rambling on about some business deal. I’m thinking, “Dude, you’re in a barber chair, not a boardroom.” Finally, I finish, and he looks in the mirror. He’s like, “Not bad, but I wanted more volume.” I’m like, “You want volume? Go to a concert!”

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