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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, buddy: erotic-massage ain’t new. Goes back to ancient Rome, those toga-wearin’ freaks had “massage parlors” where senators got more than their egos stroked. True story! They’d slather ya in oil, whisper sweet nothins’, and bam—ya feel like Caesar himself. Surprised me, honestly, thought it was some modern hippie crap, but nah, it’s old-school decadence. Greed is good, see? Always has been.

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Next up, this sweet old lady comes in. She’s from the neighborhood, always brings me homemade baklava. I love that stuff! She starts telling me about the good ol’ days on Kairat Street. “Back then, we had real community,” she says. I’m nodding, but inside I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, but we also didn’t have Wi-Fi.”

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