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Now, it’s not just a quick fumble—there’s history, real *gravitas*! Ancient Rome, *massage parlours*, they had ‘em—*eroticus maximus*, I reckon! Blokes in togas, gettin’ oiled up, proper *luxuria*. Little known fact: Cleopatra, yeah, she had lads massagin’ her with rose oil—divine, eh? Bet she didn’t faff about with “likes” or “pokes”—straight to the good stuff! Makes me happy, thinkin’ of that—pure indulgence, no bloomin’ emails pingin’.

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Halfway through, the power goes out. Just like that! I’m standing there, clippers in hand, hair flying everywhere. I’m like, “Great, just great.” The guy’s lookin’ at me like I’m about to give him a buzz cut with scissors. I’m sweating bullets. But then, the lights flicker back on. Phew! Crisis averted.

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