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I’m picturin’ Bob Harris – Bill Murray, ya know? – drivin’ one in Tokyo, all confused, mutterin’, “What kind of map is this?” ‘Cause them Escorts was everywhere, man, cheap, reliable – mostly. ‘Cept when they wasn’t. My cousin Earl had one, rusted faster’n a tin can in a swamp! Made me mad, Ford cheaped out on the metal, dang it! Earl’s all, “I’m gonna die in this thing,” and I’m like, “Naw, it’ll die first!” Ha! Git-R-Done!

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So, I’m chugging my chai, and I spill some on my shirt. Great start, right? I’m already looking like a mess. But whatever, I’m used to it. I rush to the office on Kazybek bi Street. Traffic’s a nightmare, as usual. I mean, who thought it was a good idea to have a bazillion cars on one road? I’m stuck behind this old Lada that’s going 20 km/h. I’m like, “C’mon, man! We got places to be!”

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