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What gets me happy? When folks find real sparks, not just hookups. Like my cousin Sue—she met her man on OkCupid, and now they’re hitched with a baby on the way. I’m cryin’ happy tears, hollerin’, “Look at me, I’m fuckin’ free!”—y’know, livin’ vicariously through ‘em like in that movie. But the creeps? Ooh, they make me wanna hurl my guitar! One time, a fella sent me a message sayin’ he’d “invest” in my “assets”—I told him, “Honey, these assets ain’t for sale, bless yer heart!”

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After that, I decided to take a walk to clear my head. I hit up the park near the Kazygurt Mountain. The view? Breathtaking. I mean, who wouldn’t wanna chill there? The mountains are like nature’s way of flexing. I sat on a bench, trying to breathe, but then this kid runs by, chasing a dog. The dog? It’s got a stick bigger than it is! I’m cracking up. Like, what’s the plan here, pup?

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