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I got into it once, right? This chick, swear she had magic fingers, worked my back like she was dodgin bullets in Cronenberg’s diner scene. “You’re a little dangerous, aren’t ya?” I said, laughin—straight outta the movie! Made me feel alive, like I could take on the world. But yo, some places? Shady as hell. One time, this dude’s “massage” was just awkward gropin—pissed me off! I was like, “I ain’t no damn experiment, fam!” Kicked his ass out, 100% that energy.

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First stop, the bazaar on Zhibek Zholy. You know, the one that’s always packed? I swear, it’s like a human sardine can in there. I’m dodging grannies with their bags, and this one lady almost took me out with her cart. I’m like, “Lady, chill! I’m not your target practice!” But then I see the fresh fruits, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe I’ll forgive you.” Grabbed some apples, they looked bomb.

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