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I try this sex-dating, ok? In Kazakhstan, we no have Tinder, just goat and cousin. Here, so many womans, all “show me your bits!” I laugh, very nice! One time, I match girl, she say, “You look exotic.” I think, “Yes, I am king of sexy!” We meet, she bring friend—two womans! I panic, “This too much sexy!” Like movie, “What is it that you want?” I say, “Just one, please!” They laugh, I sweat, night crazy.

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But then, outta nowhere, this one bull—let’s call him “Raging Ivan”—decides he’s had enough of the show. He charges straight at me! I’m like, “Oh snap!” I dive to the side, and the crowd goes wild. I can’t believe I just pulled a stunt like that. I’m laughing and shaking at the same time.

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