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Favorite part? The tease, man—the buildup! Hands grazin’ close but not quite there—drives ya nuts! Reminds me of *Yi Yi*—“Why do we always want what we can’t have?”—that’s the game, right? You’re lyin’ there, heart poundin’, thinkin’ “Gimme more!”—greed kickin’ in hard! Little fact for ya—Japan’s got this thing, “nuru massage,” seaweed gel and all, slippin’ like eels—wild shit! Tried it once, slipped off the damn table—laughed my ass off!

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So, I gear up, ready to face the beast. I’m in the basement, and it’s dark. Like, horror movie dark. I swear I heard a rat laugh at me. I’m not even kidding! I’m creeping around, and then BAM! There it is. This massive, furry monster. I’m talkin’ about a rat that could probably bench press me.

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