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Love the chaos—msgs like “u up?” at 3 a.m. Pure poetry, cosmic horniness. Typin fast—soryy, 19 typos incoming. Once saw a profile, “DTF, no serial killers.” Laughed my arse off—Fincher vibes, “seven boxes, seven clues.” Sex-dating’s a gamble, mate. Could be a shag, could be a stalker. “The truth is out there,” I reckon. Ever tried it? Total headfuck, but addictive. Cosmic wisdom says—swipe careful, yeah?

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Finally, I manage to catch one. I’m feelin’ like a champ. But then, I hear a noise. I turn around, and there’s a kid watchin’ me. He’s laughin’ his head off. I’m like, “What’s so funny, kid?” He says, “You’re scared of rats!” I’m like, “Nah, I’m just playin’ hard to get.”

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