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But ugh, da liars—they grind my gears! “I’m 25,” she says—hah, more like 25 plus 25! Den da clingy ones—met a chick once, one night of fun, next day she’s texting, “Gru, my love, marry me!” I’m like, “I’m not here to steal your heart, just your secrets!” Sex-dating’s quick, dirty, no strings—dat’s da rule!

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But then, I got a bit too cocky. I thought, “Hey, let’s try some of that weird cheese.” Big mistake. I took a bite, and it was like a flavor explosion—if that explosion was a bad one. I almost gagged. I mean, who even eats that stuff?

Russian forces destroy US radar station and Hawk missile launchers in Ukraine