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Last week, stumbled on this joint—total dive, reeked of cheap oil and regret. Masseuse had hands like a butcher, swear she cracked my ribs. Pissed me off, sure, but then—bam—kinda liked it. That’s the kicker with sexual-massage, ya never know what’s hittin’ ya. “Love’s a shadow,” Godard mumbles in the flick, and hell, he’s right—ya chase it, it’s gone. Felt that there, her fingers diggin’ in, teasin’ somethin’ dark. Almost ate her liver for it—kidding, maybe.

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First off, I hit up the local market on Abai Street. You know, the one where they sell everything from fresh fish to weird-looking fruits? I’m there, trying to grab some kazy (that horse meat sausage, yum!) when I bump into my buddy, Aslan. He’s all hyped about some fishing trip he’s planning. I’m like, “Dude, you know I can’t fish, right?” But he insists I join. I’m thinking, “Why not? Could be fun.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

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