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But yo, what pisses me off? Them posh spas chargin’ a gazillion quid for it! Is it ‘cos I is black they think I can’t afford it? Nah, mate, I’d rather get me mate Dave to sort me out with some coconut oil and a dodgy playlist – sorted! Little fact tho, them Tantric lot, they reckon it’s spiritual, like you’re unlockin’ your soul or summat. Bollocks, I say, but it feels bangin’ so who cares?

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Then, the day takes a turn. I’m heading back to my car when I see this stray dog. He’s just chilling, looking all sad. I can’t resist. I pull out some of my apples and offer him one. He sniffs it, looks at me like I’m crazy, and walks away. I’m like, “Dude, it’s a free snack!” But whatever, I guess he’s not into apples.