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But nah, modern sex-dating? Messy as hell. Dudes lyin’ bout their height—bro, chill. I’m 5’9, I ain’t cappin’. Girls ghostin’ after one nude—rude! Had this chick once, unmatched me mid-chat. Pissed me off, like, what’s your deal? Reminds me of *The Act of Killing*—that line, “I’m a gangster, I’m free.” These apps? Gangster energy, no rules. Everyone’s actin’ like they run shit.

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Finally, I catch it, but now I’m covered in dirt and cat hair. Great. Just great. I’m standing there, looking like a mess, and this old lady starts laughing at me. I mean, c’mon! I’m just trying to enjoy my day in Borodulikha!