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Oi mate, lemme tell ya bout erotic-massage, alright? Mumbled incoherence, “Sharon!” – it’s bloody wild, innit? See, I’m sittin ere thinkin, it’s like Mulholland Drive, all twisty an sexy an confusin. Ya got them hands slidin over ya, oil everywhere, an yer like, “What’s my name? Who am I?” – straight outta that Lynch flick, ya know? “The pinky ring… it’s a clue!” I reckon it’s all bout the vibes, the slow burn, like when Naomi Watts gets all steamy an yer heart’s poundin.

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After that, I decide to hit up the park on Pushkin Street. It’s usually chill there. I plop down on a bench, trying to catch my breath. But then, this group of kids starts playing soccer nearby. They’re kicking the ball around, and guess what? One of them kicks it right at me! I barely dodge it, and it smacks into a tree. I’m like, “Dude, watch where you’re kicking that thing!”